Prep the pan: Line an 8x8-inch (20x20 cm) baking pan with parchment, leaving overhang on two sides for easy lifting.
Soften the base: Let cream cheese and butter sit at room temperature until very soft. This helps the mixture whip smoothly without lumps.
Whip it: In a medium bowl, beat the cream cheese and butter together with a hand mixer until fluffy and fully combined, 1–2 minutes.
Season: Add garlic powder, onion powder, smoked paprika, salt, and pepper. Mix until incorporated.
Add cheese and jalapeños: Fold in shredded cheddar, minced jalapeños, and green onion.
If the mixture feels too stiff, add heavy cream 1 teaspoon at a time until it’s spreadable but thick.
Spread and smooth: Transfer to the lined pan and press into an even layer. Use a spatula to smooth the top.
Chill: Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours, or until firm enough to slice cleanly. For faster setting, you can place it in the freezer for 30–40 minutes, then finish in the fridge.
Slice: Lift the slab out using the parchment and cut into squares.
Aim for 16 small squares for snack-size portions or 25 bite-size pieces for quick fat boosts.
Serve: Enjoy cold or slightly chilled. For extra flair, top with a thin jalapeño slice or a sprinkle of paprika just before serving.